got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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