I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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