we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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