The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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