This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
