I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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