why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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