I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
