and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
