I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
