Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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