Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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