I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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