i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
