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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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