Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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