so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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