it wasn't lemon gatorade
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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