I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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