Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
