Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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