Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
