I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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