Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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