I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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