do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
