I didn't shave. On purpose
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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