508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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