I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
