wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
