i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
