I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
