what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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