I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
