So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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