She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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