What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
