So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
