i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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