My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
