I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
