No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
