I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
