when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
