bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she told me i tasted like america
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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