Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
