Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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