Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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