In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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