im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
