If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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