oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
