you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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