Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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