You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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