You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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