CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
