just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
