Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
His nipple licking is glorious
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