Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize