Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
