i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
