wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
