A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
