he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
