Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
as a side note pls kill me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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