So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
