i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
