I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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