I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
