it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
