clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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