How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
