I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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