You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
