Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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